I Know What You Fantasize About Her
Source: Public Domain Pictures
Do you daydream virtually sex?
Some people daydream about sex activity frequently, while others fantasize about it only rarely, but about people take sexual fantasies. I sometimes say, half-jokingly, that we have a encephalon, so nosotros daydream, and those who deny that they daydream about sexual activity probably lie well-nigh it.
On a more than serious note, while running studies, I often ask participants in these studies to draw their fantasies. Few of them claim that they do not experience sexual fantasies. However, frequently these people simply practice not know what the term "sexual fantasies" means. When they are well-informed nearly the significant of fantasizing, they realize that they do experience such fantasies.
Sexual fantasies, unlike erotic dreams, occur during waking hours, and therefore are also called "sexual daydreams." When we refer to sexual fantasies, we include any mental imagery that is sexually arousing to the individual. Sexual fantasies can be intricate stories or fleeting thoughts of sexual or romantic interactions. Fantasies tin can be realistic and involve memories of past encounters or completely imaginary experiences.
Overall, sexual fantasies are ane of the manifestations of sexual want. They are stories that we tell ourselves when we are sexually aroused or when we wish to intensify sexual gratification. These stories may be quite revealing if you give them a thorough examination. Consider the following fantasy, ane of the many that emerged in my lab (I slightly changed the fantasy to protect the fantasizers' confidentiality):
"I'k sitting at the library next to a cute woman. As her eyes come across mine, I realize that she is taking my pants off nether the tabular array. I'm having a great fourth dimension until the librarian suddenly shows up to see where the noises are coming from. The librarian stares at me harshly and so, without saying anything, she joins the 'party.' I'm sure information technology's the all-time sex they have ever had. After a while, they both freeze in fear. I'm turning my head just to realize that my girlfriend is watching us. I guess that the political party is over."
What does this fantasy tell you near the fantasizer and his motives, except that, at to the lowest degree for a moment, he was the undeniable king of the library? Surely reading this fantasy arouses many questions, such as why this person fantasized virtually this specific fantasy. Was he trying to escape his electric current relationship by experiencing a sense of conquering? Was he striving to maintain sexual desire during sex with his partner by indulging himself in a forbidden (and therefore heady) scenario?
Another question that you may ask yourself concerns the characteristics of the fantasizer. What dispositions made him more inclined to experience such a fantasy? Is he a sensation seeker who needs to live on the edge? Or is he an introvert who compensates for his real-world shyness through experiencing risky sexual interactions in the fantasy realm?
Before answering such questions, you need to understand more in-depth the nature of sexual fantasies and what makes them unique compared to other expressions of sexual desire, such as masturbation or engagement in sexual intercourse. Sexual fantasies exist in a private and unconstrained earth of your ain making. Y'all are the narrator and curator of your fantasies, producing them while ignoring any restrictions imposed by social norms or concerns virtually reality. As such, your fantasies may provide a window through which to view your innermost desires and preferences; desires that you do not necessarily wish to human activity out in real life. Your fantasies are not isolated in the chimera of your mind, though. The quality of your interactions with partners can affect their content and frequency.
- The Fundamentals of Sex
- Find a sex counsellor near me
In the adjacent posts, I will present my broader take on sexual fantasies and respond the questions I raised here (Read more than hither and here).
See my TEDx talk on why humans make sex activity so complicated here .
References
1. Birnbaum, Yard. E. (2007). Beyond the borders of reality: Attachment orientations and sexual fantasies. Personal Relationships, 14, 321-342.
2. Birnbaum, G. Eastward., Kanat-Maymon, Y., Mizrahi, M., Recanati, Yard., & Orr, R. (2019). What fantasies can do to your relationship: The furnishings of sexual fantasies on couple interactions. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 45(iii), 461-476.
iii. Birnbaum, 1000. Eastward., Mikulincer, One thousand., & Gillath, O. (2011). In and out of a daydream: Zipper orientations, daily relationship quality, and sexual fantasies. Personality and Social Psychology Message, 37, 1398-1410.
4. Birnbaum, Chiliad. E., Simpson, J. A., Weisberg, Y. J., Barnea, Eastward., & Assulin-Simhon, Z. (2012). Is it my overactive imagination? The furnishings of contextually activated zipper insecurity on sexual fantasies. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29, 1131–1152.
5. Birnbaum, Thou. E., Svitelman, Due north., Bar-Shalom, A., & Porat, O. (2008). The sparse line between reality and imagination: Zipper orientations and the effects of human relationship threats on sexual fantasies. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34, 1185-1199.
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/intimately-connected/202108/what-sexual-fantasies-can-teach-us
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